The Results of the November 2018 Happiness Challenge,
by Tom Riddle, March 2019.
Background:
After hearing a podcast with Shawn Achor in early October 2019 I became inspired to investigate the idea that just by cultivating gratitude a person could become happier. I mentioned this to a former high school guidance counselor and a friend who makes his living teaching communication skills; they both encouraged me and said that, they would join me on a 21-day Happiness Challenge. With their support, I proceeded to develop a simple web page:
tom-riddle.weebly.com/happiness.html .
(if you have done the challenge, you might enjoy a 3-minute audio addition to the site.)
I then invited 22 other people to join me in the challenge.
To join or not join?
A few people jumped right in and more than one person jump-started the posted November 1 start date. While most people never responded to my email, others were kind enough to tell me why they couldn’t do or wouldn’t do it.
And then, on November 1, it began . . .
Five people soon quit. One said that she can’t stand exercising for more than three times a week and was thus unable continue. A second person found that it could be done while traveling, but that domestic life was just too hectic for it to be possible. A third fully intended to do it and then just forgot. And a forth quit saying that pregnancy changed her moods too much. Finally, a fifth person quit who really didn't like it at all, "For me the whole thing combined a forced march with a daily affirmation, and I found it unpleasant. I didn’t like having to come up with new stuff all the time, or with coming up with reasons why I was grateful."
But other people continued and a few wrote their strategy for doing so:
"Wake up, and before turning on any media, put pen in hand and a 4 by 6-inch yellow pad of paper on the desk. Then do stream-of-consciousness - fast - writing. Done! No spell check, no editing. Fold paper, write the date on it, and place it in the cookie jar. Thus # 1 and #2 are done, pronto. I mean, he says, "10 minutes." Oh, the cookie jar. Yes, Shawn A, says that parents with kids can make a game out of it by putting the paper in a cookie jar. I guess that I'm a cookie-jar-kind-of-guy. I've done, as many of you have, # 3 (meditation) and #4 (yoga) for many years. This leaves #5. I'm finding, it isn't as bad as I had thought. I mean, it actually feels, kind of good . Sometimes I write something supportive or encouraging to someone I know. Sometimes, I simply go out in the world with the idea that I will find someone to be extra nice to. My experience has been that it’s just like they say in the self-help columns in the Sunday newspaper: doing good, feels good and makes you feel better. How about that? But it doesn't always go as expected. A couple days ago I was in the grocery store and the woman who was helping at check-out looked like she was on the edge of suicide so I tried to cheer her only to be sternly rebuked by her co-worker, “Leave her alone!”
Whoops!
I also got involved in one of these "mentor" things. It's more money and more time than I had imagined. (Which is what, I'm told, happens with parenting.) But on the whole, it feels good."
One man told me that his good deed was to walk on the road in the rural area where he lives and wave to the people passing by in cars. He enjoyed it and said that other people did as well.
Two school teachers said that they tried to be extra supportive to their students which sometimes meant giving more compliments than they usually would.
"I like the idea of asking myself "any mess, failure, mistake to be grateful for today? for the opportunity to try, to learn, to grow?" As I sit with that, I connect the gratitude practice with my growing interest and awareness of my privileges: having enough food each day, home, friends, love, basic safety, acceptance... much to be grateful for."
"I've been focusing mostly on #1, taking a moment at the end of each day to connect with the goodness of my life, and identifying 3 things (often people) I'm grateful for: a special moment of connection with someone, a person, place or a quote that inspired or supported me in some way, the mesmerizing colors of the sunset or a flock of black kites flying over our house, for myself for doing something that contributed to connection, confidence or peace of mind, for the goodness of having a roof and food to eat... It became a meaningful, enjoyable, and more and more spontaneous, daily ritual. I can see gratitude is becoming more of a thread in my life. I might be a little more content, appreciative, open than usual!
I haven't put as much rigorous focus on the random act of kindness one (#5?) or at least I haven't written about it. At the same time I have been quite aware of expressing regularly my appreciation and encouraging words, and I've been doing more service work lately than usual (cooking food for people experiencing homelessness, helping my mother in law in different ways, volunteering at my kids' school...)
Earlier today, I saw pictures of people trying to cross borders on boats, with children, faces torn by exhaustion, fear, uncertainty, grief (my interpretation). I felt moved. Not in the distant Facebook kind of way. More intimately. So it seems to me that there is a connection between gratitude practice, service, expansion, happiness and intimacy with others and the world."
When the challenge ended four people continued longer than the 21 days. Two of those people said that they had enjoyed it so much that they were going to continue indefinitely. While the other two, (and I was one of them) thought that a nice even "month of happiness" sounded good.
RESULTS
"I completed the challenge. I don’t know if I did it ‘well’. I don’t feel much different, to be honest, but I did it. It was nice to notice things as they were happening, during the day, that I could really clock and acknowledge as gratitude stuff. That was probably the main thing, just paying a little more attention. It’s all about that, hey. Who knew ;) The random act of kindness one was definitely the hardest, even though when you kept going on about that at the beginning I was like, what’s he on about, it can’t be that hard. But it was harder than I thought it would be. At the same time, I’m sure we forget those tiny little exchanges with the train guard, etc, quite easily. I refer to my earlier point of paying attention ... "
"I like that it is supposed to take just 10 min. That motivates me to do each part of it every day. I do well with routines that have an easy minimum like this, so if I just meditate for 2 min and do a few sit-ups, I can check those boxes.
I found that I do most of these things every day anyway, but doing them deliberately and making sure I don't miss a day helps me appreciate them.
In moments when I feel down, I remember to do one of the daily happiness tasks--whatever is next on my list--and it makes me feel better.
I find the "act of kindness" the hardest to remember to do each day b/c it involves other people, but when I think about it, it's not so hard. Most days I've been making sure I give at least 1 person a sincere compliment. I've found that between teaching my dance students and raising my child, I am usually doing this every day anyway. It has helped me understand why I enjoy teaching and has been a good reminder of the importance of telling my son when he does something I'm proud of.
I will probably try to keep doing it after the 21 days, but hopefully, by then it will be a habit and will be even easier to do all these things every day.
I decided to just think my three gratitudes instead of writing them down because I write so many things down that it would feel like a chore and I wouldn't do it. I usually start with this thinking when I first get up and am feeling cranky.
My tip for anyone doing this is to adapt it so that it is doable for you, whatever that means for you. Better to be consistent and form a habit than to do it perfectly but miss days."
"My happiness journey was not much different than my daily life. I usually feel happy. I think the journey was fun. I think that it may help those who are struggling to find happiness. Make them more aware if you will."
This from the youngest person to do the challenge, and 18-year-old, "My happiness journey was a huge success I feel like the happiest guy in the universe: from making up with old friends, to meeting amazing people, to trying new things, to going to special events. It was such an awesome journey and it doesn't stop here -- I plan to continue it for a long long time!"
"During the happiness challenge, I felt so much better changing a few things in life and being more aware. I was working with crystals, using essential oils, meditating and doing Reiki on a daily basis. Those things helped me manage my depression and anxiety without medication. I was doing better taking care of myself, drinking more water and eating better. I was doing things I enjoyed again.
Unfortunately, not long after the challenge I lapsed back into old habits, I let stress and anxiety take over. It's so easy to get swept up in the day to day and lose sight of what's truly important. I know I have to get back to what's important! Time to get back to being happy again!"
"This morning I was washing the dishes and I thought, ya know, I'm really grateful to have two arms. Washing the dishes with one arm would really be a drag. But what if I did have only one arm? Then I'd have to be like Steven Hawkins, the world-famous physicist who could only move one finger. Someone once asked him if he was happy. He said that he was. The next question was, "What about the motor neurone disease?" He replied, "It's fine, just so that it doesn't get any worse." So that's it. As long as we can hear or see, and move one finger we all have a lot to be grateful for, to be happy about. The happiness challenge: I'm really glad I did it. Not so easy, but, worth it. I'm happier now, friendlier, all that good stuff."
by Tom Riddle, March 2019.
Background:
After hearing a podcast with Shawn Achor in early October 2019 I became inspired to investigate the idea that just by cultivating gratitude a person could become happier. I mentioned this to a former high school guidance counselor and a friend who makes his living teaching communication skills; they both encouraged me and said that, they would join me on a 21-day Happiness Challenge. With their support, I proceeded to develop a simple web page:
tom-riddle.weebly.com/happiness.html .
(if you have done the challenge, you might enjoy a 3-minute audio addition to the site.)
I then invited 22 other people to join me in the challenge.
To join or not join?
A few people jumped right in and more than one person jump-started the posted November 1 start date. While most people never responded to my email, others were kind enough to tell me why they couldn’t do or wouldn’t do it.
- “I have nothing to be grateful for.” (from two people)
- “I’m too old to do it.”
- “I refuse to do anything that people are making money from.” Yes, it’s true that you can pay a lot of money to do the Happiness Challenge along with a happiness coach, but clearly this challenge was free.).
- “Happiness by doing stuff for 10 minutes a day? Ridiculous! I get my happiness from walking, cooking, friendship, drinking good wine, and having good sex.” He might have written some of that in jest, but the point is serious: we all, occasionally, confuse what gives us pleasure with what gives us happiness.
- “It’s far too American for me. When ever I hear 21-day challenge I think of a diet fad.”
- “Brain re-wired in 21-days? No way!”
- “I’m too busy, maybe later.” That reminded me of what a Thai monk once said, “To say that you are too busy to try to be happy is about like a sick man saying that he is going to wait until he is well before going to see the doctor.”
- “I’ll wait to see how other people do, before I try it.”
And then, on November 1, it began . . .
Five people soon quit. One said that she can’t stand exercising for more than three times a week and was thus unable continue. A second person found that it could be done while traveling, but that domestic life was just too hectic for it to be possible. A third fully intended to do it and then just forgot. And a forth quit saying that pregnancy changed her moods too much. Finally, a fifth person quit who really didn't like it at all, "For me the whole thing combined a forced march with a daily affirmation, and I found it unpleasant. I didn’t like having to come up with new stuff all the time, or with coming up with reasons why I was grateful."
But other people continued and a few wrote their strategy for doing so:
"Wake up, and before turning on any media, put pen in hand and a 4 by 6-inch yellow pad of paper on the desk. Then do stream-of-consciousness - fast - writing. Done! No spell check, no editing. Fold paper, write the date on it, and place it in the cookie jar. Thus # 1 and #2 are done, pronto. I mean, he says, "10 minutes." Oh, the cookie jar. Yes, Shawn A, says that parents with kids can make a game out of it by putting the paper in a cookie jar. I guess that I'm a cookie-jar-kind-of-guy. I've done, as many of you have, # 3 (meditation) and #4 (yoga) for many years. This leaves #5. I'm finding, it isn't as bad as I had thought. I mean, it actually feels, kind of good . Sometimes I write something supportive or encouraging to someone I know. Sometimes, I simply go out in the world with the idea that I will find someone to be extra nice to. My experience has been that it’s just like they say in the self-help columns in the Sunday newspaper: doing good, feels good and makes you feel better. How about that? But it doesn't always go as expected. A couple days ago I was in the grocery store and the woman who was helping at check-out looked like she was on the edge of suicide so I tried to cheer her only to be sternly rebuked by her co-worker, “Leave her alone!”
Whoops!
I also got involved in one of these "mentor" things. It's more money and more time than I had imagined. (Which is what, I'm told, happens with parenting.) But on the whole, it feels good."
One man told me that his good deed was to walk on the road in the rural area where he lives and wave to the people passing by in cars. He enjoyed it and said that other people did as well.
Two school teachers said that they tried to be extra supportive to their students which sometimes meant giving more compliments than they usually would.
"I like the idea of asking myself "any mess, failure, mistake to be grateful for today? for the opportunity to try, to learn, to grow?" As I sit with that, I connect the gratitude practice with my growing interest and awareness of my privileges: having enough food each day, home, friends, love, basic safety, acceptance... much to be grateful for."
"I've been focusing mostly on #1, taking a moment at the end of each day to connect with the goodness of my life, and identifying 3 things (often people) I'm grateful for: a special moment of connection with someone, a person, place or a quote that inspired or supported me in some way, the mesmerizing colors of the sunset or a flock of black kites flying over our house, for myself for doing something that contributed to connection, confidence or peace of mind, for the goodness of having a roof and food to eat... It became a meaningful, enjoyable, and more and more spontaneous, daily ritual. I can see gratitude is becoming more of a thread in my life. I might be a little more content, appreciative, open than usual!
I haven't put as much rigorous focus on the random act of kindness one (#5?) or at least I haven't written about it. At the same time I have been quite aware of expressing regularly my appreciation and encouraging words, and I've been doing more service work lately than usual (cooking food for people experiencing homelessness, helping my mother in law in different ways, volunteering at my kids' school...)
Earlier today, I saw pictures of people trying to cross borders on boats, with children, faces torn by exhaustion, fear, uncertainty, grief (my interpretation). I felt moved. Not in the distant Facebook kind of way. More intimately. So it seems to me that there is a connection between gratitude practice, service, expansion, happiness and intimacy with others and the world."
When the challenge ended four people continued longer than the 21 days. Two of those people said that they had enjoyed it so much that they were going to continue indefinitely. While the other two, (and I was one of them) thought that a nice even "month of happiness" sounded good.
RESULTS
"I completed the challenge. I don’t know if I did it ‘well’. I don’t feel much different, to be honest, but I did it. It was nice to notice things as they were happening, during the day, that I could really clock and acknowledge as gratitude stuff. That was probably the main thing, just paying a little more attention. It’s all about that, hey. Who knew ;) The random act of kindness one was definitely the hardest, even though when you kept going on about that at the beginning I was like, what’s he on about, it can’t be that hard. But it was harder than I thought it would be. At the same time, I’m sure we forget those tiny little exchanges with the train guard, etc, quite easily. I refer to my earlier point of paying attention ... "
"I like that it is supposed to take just 10 min. That motivates me to do each part of it every day. I do well with routines that have an easy minimum like this, so if I just meditate for 2 min and do a few sit-ups, I can check those boxes.
I found that I do most of these things every day anyway, but doing them deliberately and making sure I don't miss a day helps me appreciate them.
In moments when I feel down, I remember to do one of the daily happiness tasks--whatever is next on my list--and it makes me feel better.
I find the "act of kindness" the hardest to remember to do each day b/c it involves other people, but when I think about it, it's not so hard. Most days I've been making sure I give at least 1 person a sincere compliment. I've found that between teaching my dance students and raising my child, I am usually doing this every day anyway. It has helped me understand why I enjoy teaching and has been a good reminder of the importance of telling my son when he does something I'm proud of.
I will probably try to keep doing it after the 21 days, but hopefully, by then it will be a habit and will be even easier to do all these things every day.
I decided to just think my three gratitudes instead of writing them down because I write so many things down that it would feel like a chore and I wouldn't do it. I usually start with this thinking when I first get up and am feeling cranky.
My tip for anyone doing this is to adapt it so that it is doable for you, whatever that means for you. Better to be consistent and form a habit than to do it perfectly but miss days."
"My happiness journey was not much different than my daily life. I usually feel happy. I think the journey was fun. I think that it may help those who are struggling to find happiness. Make them more aware if you will."
This from the youngest person to do the challenge, and 18-year-old, "My happiness journey was a huge success I feel like the happiest guy in the universe: from making up with old friends, to meeting amazing people, to trying new things, to going to special events. It was such an awesome journey and it doesn't stop here -- I plan to continue it for a long long time!"
"During the happiness challenge, I felt so much better changing a few things in life and being more aware. I was working with crystals, using essential oils, meditating and doing Reiki on a daily basis. Those things helped me manage my depression and anxiety without medication. I was doing better taking care of myself, drinking more water and eating better. I was doing things I enjoyed again.
Unfortunately, not long after the challenge I lapsed back into old habits, I let stress and anxiety take over. It's so easy to get swept up in the day to day and lose sight of what's truly important. I know I have to get back to what's important! Time to get back to being happy again!"
"This morning I was washing the dishes and I thought, ya know, I'm really grateful to have two arms. Washing the dishes with one arm would really be a drag. But what if I did have only one arm? Then I'd have to be like Steven Hawkins, the world-famous physicist who could only move one finger. Someone once asked him if he was happy. He said that he was. The next question was, "What about the motor neurone disease?" He replied, "It's fine, just so that it doesn't get any worse." So that's it. As long as we can hear or see, and move one finger we all have a lot to be grateful for, to be happy about. The happiness challenge: I'm really glad I did it. Not so easy, but, worth it. I'm happier now, friendlier, all that good stuff."
So friends there you are: that's it. Happiness, can seem really out of reach, but you can get closer to it with a little gratitude.
If I've missed anyone, I'm sorry, but this is a web-page, so I can revise, and add. If you have anything to add, lemme know.
Your correspondent, T.R.
If I've missed anyone, I'm sorry, but this is a web-page, so I can revise, and add. If you have anything to add, lemme know.
Your correspondent, T.R.